Welcome back for Part Two of my series: Solutions for Writing Middle-Grade Characters for three more helpful tools to get your child character just right.
As with the previous post, this article focuses on middle-grade characters, but you can generalize many of these tips to younger kids and teens.
To see Solutions #1 through 5, click here: Five Solutions for Writing Middle-Grade Characters: Part 1
Solution #6: Don’t make kids sound too formal
Even if you are writing a precocious child with a college-level vocabulary, avoid giving their dialogue a formal edge. This doesn’t mean they can’t be polite or that they can’t be formal when the occasion calls for it. It just means look at the dialogue with a critical eye and rule out any language that sounds beyond the child’s maturity level and then rephrase it in a more age-appropriate way.
Here’s an example of two eight year olds:
“Hey, Jayme, would you like to go get some milkshakes after school on Friday? Or perhaps, go watch the new family movie, Space Lords III?”
“Sure, Angela, I would love to. I will ask my parents if I have permission.”
It sounds stilted, sure, but that’s not the only issue. These kids aren’t really speaking in an authentic way for their age. Which words or phrases jump out as being too formal? Do kids use contractions in everyday speech? What else jumps out at you?
For starters, I would take out the woulds, coulds, shoulds and replace with less formal alternatives. I would take out wishy washy words like “perhaps.” Next I’d scrap “the new family space movie,” because I can assume kids who hang out together will understand the same popular culture (or should I say pop culture?) references to movies, bands, video games, comic books, etc. unless there’s a specific reason for them not to know these things. You don’t need to overexplain that they are asking for “permission” since this is an everyday reality for most kids, and it’s pretty clear from context. Let’s see how it reads now.
“Hey, Jayme, do you want to get milkshakes after school on Friday? Or we can go see Space Lords III.”
“Sure, Angela, I’d love to. I’ll ask my parents.”
Shorter and to the point.
Exercise:
Think up intentional exceptions for this in order to create interesting stories or novels.
- You could write a character that purposefully speaks with a higher level of formality. If done with intention, this can be done as part of characterization. You can have this character speak this way as a contrast to the other characters as a way to stand out from the other children in the story.
- You can write your characters into a setting in which children must speak formally because of cultural or other reasons. Maybe they are members of a royal family in a fantasy novel. Maybe you are writing a dystopian novel in which children are punished for speaking informally.
Solution #7: Direct address in dialogue
You don’t need to have kids call each other by their name in every line of the dialogue. Kids know each other’s names and don’t use them all the time in this way, except when they need to get someone’s attention. If you take out all of these redundant or unnecessary direct addresses, then you can start to use the remaining ones as an effective tool to start characterizing the person as a middle grader.
You can have your child characters use nicknames (real or invented) to show how they interact with friends. You can create contrast by showing them use first names for peers and Mr. or Ms. or another naming convention with parents, teachers, older kids, etc. This is a good way to work worldbuilding into the character development.
For example, there are some towns where it is perfectly appropriate for a child to call an adult family friend by their first name. In other parts of the country, this would be seen as rude and disrespectful. Sometimes a child can use the polite address of Miss Firstname and, sometimes, it is only permissible to use Miss Lastname. Some kids call their relatives Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunt, or Uncle. Other children call relatives Grandma, Nana, Auntie, Papa, and many other nicknames. You can work these details and variety into the story in multiple ways and get even more creative for genres such as dystopian novels, fantasy, or futuristic science fiction.
Let’s use the same example from above and add in some texture:
“Hey, Jay, do you want to get milkshakes after school on Friday? Or we can go see Space Lords III.”
“Sure, Angie, I’d love to. I’ll have to ask the ’rents, first.”
The nicknames give a more casual feel, but the shortened version of “parents” makes them sound older than eight years old. What age do they seem now? Tweens? Teens?
If you substitute Mama or Papa for parents, what age does the dialogue convey now? Which sounds older Mom, Mama, or Mommy? Are there cultural differences in the names kids use for their parents? Absolutely! But don’t feel overwhelmed. Do some research and use these differences to your advantage by creating a diverse and rich set of characters in your stories.
Solution #8: Check for wishy-washy words
Let’s come back to those words I cut from the example and add some other words to the list. Would, could, probably, should, and other words like these indicate that the character doesn’t want to overcommit to a thought or feeling. Absolutely, these word choices work in certain scenes to indicate shyness, indecision, or fear. But used constantly throughout the manuscript will eventually make your child character sound more like an adult than a child. The reason is that you are filtering their emotions and thoughts, rather than letting them experience the full range of childhood emotions. Kids, compared to their adult counterparts, start out with more “either-or” concrete thinking and start adding in subtlety and nuance as they grow up. Experience teaches kids to scale back their emotions and control them, or sometimes even hide from them.
Note, that this can happen at different ages for different kids, and kids can have different experiences that shape how early this process happens (or late) and how extreme these changes will be. A naturally shy child will express themselves differently than an outgoing one. A child who suffers an early trauma will also handle emotions differently than a child who has had not been exposed to difficulties. Kids can learn skills through theatre training, group sports, or activities. Kids will be shaped by sibling interactions and other experiences, as well. All of this can come through in the story.
Example:
“I think I could probably go over to your house on Friday. I should probably ask my dad first.”
“Nice. I could probably get my big brother to lend me his old drum set. Do you think you could bring your dad’s guitar, too?”
“I could call him now and ask.”
Transformed to:
“I bet I can go over to your house on Friday. I’ll need to ask my dad first.”
“Nice. I’ll try to get my big brother to lend me his old drum set. Can you bring your dad’s guitar, too?”
“I’ll call him now and ask.”
I reworked the phrasing so the kids are still following all the normal protocols of asking permission, but rephrased in a more casual way. The changes are small, but the effects start to really add up.
Solution #9: Add variety and contrast to create individuality
Now, remember how I said to hang onto the other words to use for writing certain personality types? Well, let’s see the dialogue again with both personality types. You’ll start to see how the two characters sound quite different from each other. The dialogue still works and the contrast creates a bit of tension. The character voices start to emerge and readers will relate to the scenes on a more personal level.
“I think I could probably go over to your house on Friday. I should probably ask my dad first.”
“Nice. I’ll get my big brother to lend me his old drum set. Can you bring your dad’s guitar, too?”
“I could call him now and ask.”
Now you have a character that seems sure of himself. Now And to unfold, the personalities will emerge more and more. For now, there is a bit of mystery. Maybe one character has an easy going family (they already know they can borrow the drums,) and maybe the other one has parental rules (they need to check before borrowing the guitar.
Final Exercise:
Create a similar situation where you have two characters. Chose a realistic seting that kids would encounter in everyday life. (Maybe at school, as part of a club or team, or at home.) Give one child a formal voice and one an informal voice. Come up with a bit of backstory to explain these differences and then write a short scene. Start adjusting the dialogue to show different maturity levels or emotional states.
Now you are even further down the path to creating your middle grade characters. You understand how to adjust dialogue to convey different things about your character’s personality, upbringing, and culture. You know how to use variety and contrast to help your characters stand apart. Or you can create a cast of child characters that fit into a model that is unique to what you would find in the world around you. You can defy expectations or write kids that resonate with everyday people. Do you see new ways to sculpt your existing scenes to bring out the personalities of your middle grade characters?
Don’t forget to go back and check out Part One of this series.
Happy writing.
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