With first-person point of view, it’s often relatively easy to write a close perspective compared to third person. With third-person-limited point of view, it’s quite possible to do, but third person comes with a few common pitfalls, namely head hopping or accidental shifts into omniscient POV. If done well, third person limited can feel as close and intimate as first person, and many of these tips will work just as nicely for third as well. For now, let’s concentrate on writing the most effective first-person POV possible. With first-person POV, there is already a built-in intimacy because the reader is seeing all of the events directly through the eyes of the main character. They see what the character sees, feel what the character feels, and do what the character does. This gives you, the writer, a bit of a head start.
But even with this head start, it is still important to be aware of different writing tools in order to control the point of view deliberately and skillfully within the scene. Here are some handy tips:
Tip #1: Watch out for pronouns
Does your story rely on the personal pronouns “I” or “me”? This could be a signal to readers that the main-character-slash-narrator is telling the story to you, the reader. You are separate from the story and there is a barrier—the page—between the character and you. Sure, you will need to use “I” and “me.” It’s only natural and avoiding it completely will result in stilted or forced narrative. We use these pronouns in real life, in conversation and inside our thoughts, but if they are dominating the narrative, it’s time to start revising.
Here’s a before and after example. In the original, the reader “sees” the main character looking through the window. In the revised version, the reader sees the courtyard through the main character’s eyes.
Example:
Standing at the window, I looked out at the courtyard. I could see the plants glowing eerily under the metal lamps.
Revised sentence:
Outside the window in the courtyard, the plants glowed eerily under the metal lamps.
Tip #2: Watch for reminiscence and nostalgia
Reminiscence and nostalgia has its place in writing. But using it in fiction will give your fiction novel the feel of a memoir. If that’s not your intention, then it will be helpful to know some key phrases to look for.
Examples:
I remember when…
Back in those days…
I always used to…
Which leads to these other similar phrases…
Tip #3: Oh no, not spoilers!
Little did I realize…
Eventually I would…
In a few days it wouldn’t matter…
I was about to…
These phrases take the reader out of the close point of view faster than almost anything else, because the narrator is telling the reader something that the main character can’t know yet. Even if the story is written in past tense, these phrases show that the character is telling the story to you, the audience, from some point in time after the events are occurring, which adds distance from the events. The reader also gets to see what will happen later in the story, so this will potentially ruin the reader’s chance to experience the character’s emotion directly when this detail is finally revealed.
Tip #4: Filter words
Phrases such as: I feel, I think, I believe.
These words often reveal an indecisive main character, but more than that, they add distance from the character by adding an unnecessary buffer to the character’s thoughts or emotions. To understand this effect, it helps to know a bit about psychic or emotional distance.
Psychic distance and emotional distance are close relatives of each other under the umbrella of distance. Emotional distance is the ability to feel emotion vicariously through your character. Does the character tell you that they are feeling sad (lots of distance) or are you feeling the emotion more directly—as though from the character’s perspective—while you pull the tissue box closer to you (less distance)? Psychic distance is the degree to which you are inside of the character’s thoughts. Sometimes these are used interchangeably and sometimes, the distinction is more apparent. If you add too many filter words, you risk the reader feeling too much like the character’s confidante.
Here’s an example:
Original:
My best friend approached from the corner of the room. He must have seen my shaking hands, because he gripped them between his strong fingers. I felt the need to pull them back. I wanted to shrink into myself, but it was getting awkward. When I pulled my hands away, I think he was angry at me, because he backed up a step. The space made me feel more relaxed, and I let out a heavy sigh. I didn’t really feel ready to talk about it yet with him. I would need more time.
Revised:
My best friend approached from the corner of the room. He saw my shaking hands and gripped them between his strong fingers. Slowly, I pulled them back and, crossing my arms, tucked them into the safety of my armpits. He frowned and backed up a step. I appreciated the space, and let out a heavy sigh. I just wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.
The first example has lots of filter words. The character is telling the reader how they feel and what they are thinking. They are guessing about what the other character is feeling. In the second example, the reader can figure all of this stuff out on their own, because they are looking directly at the action, body language, and other social cues without the constant interruptions as the character explains each cue.
Tip #5: Use sensory details
If you look back through this last example, you will also notice that there are many sensory details in the paragraph. The narrator uses body language and action, but also physical sensation such as shaking hands and the feel of the friend’s strong fingers to help give the reader as many social cues as possibly to interpret the emotion in the scene. Even though the narrator doesn’t use a ton of adjectives like warm or soft, the reader will hopefully be able to imagine the warmth of the armpits or the feel of strong fingers. Let’s see what happens if there are other sensory details. Is it possible to reinterpret the tone of the scene by adding in other sensations?
Example:
My best friend approached from the corner of the candlelit room. He gazed at my shaking hands for a moment, then cradled them gently between his strong, still fingers. Slowly, I pulled them back and, crossing my arms, tucked them, still trembling a bit, into the safe comfort of my armpits. His subtle cologne filled my nostrils and warmed me from the inside. He frowned and backed up a step. I appreciated the space and let out a heavy sigh. I just wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.
Sensual? Comforting? What do you feel when reading this?
My best friend approached from the corner of the musty room. He stared my shaking hands for a moment, then gripped them tightly between his strong, stiff fingers. Slowly, I pulled them back and, crossing my arms, tucked them, still shaking, into the safety of my armpits. His strong cologne filled my nostrils and stung my eyes. He frowned and backed up a step. I appreciated the space, and let out a heavy sigh. I just wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.
Is this a different vibe here? More creepy? Ominous?
What other things have you observed with the first person point of view? Feel free to comment below and don’t forget to share this article if you found it useful.
Happy writing!
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